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Giblet McNiblets
22 July 2007 @ 06:45 pm
I would like to point out something inadvertently strange about this moment. I was just importing lots of classical music on my computer, and reading back in my livejournal archives from exactly one year ago today. And I noticed that when I wrote that past entry, I was listening to "3 Gymnopedies" by Erik Satie, which I'm listening to my mom play on the piano right now. In other words, exactly one year ago today, I was listening to the same rather obscure song that I am right now. Strange, no? Maybe not so much, but I find it quite the coincidence.

There's not much else to say right now, or if there is I don't have the energy. It's hot and sticky and stuffy and my head hurts. I'm about to go get my Harry Potter groove on, somewhat ashamedly. I just saw the 5th movie and now I must go re-read the 6th book and then the 7th. I must, there's just nothing else to it. This will surely give me something to do for the next little while.

I'm craving creativity in any form I can get hold of today. I have my first free couple days off work in forever today and tomorrow, I had a guitar lesson today for the first time in awhile, and it's made me want to pick up all sorts of instruments lying about the house and play them. Particularly, I want to practice piano, since I'm listening to all of these amazing piano pieces recently. I'm rather excited about the piano class I'm taking in the fall, assuming I don't end up dropping it whilst tweaking my schedule some more. Now that I have the time to think again, I am realizing how much I crave some greater form of expression in my life, aside from words I suppose; it's starting to feel too direct, or just too routine. Unfortunately, I am lacking talent in every other art form I could attempt. My mind is too scattered in wanting to exceed at all of them that I never actually have at any. Ah well. Livejournal comforts me in such times, clearly.
Current Location: diningroom
Current Mood: hothot
Current Music: Mozart - Piano Concerto In E Flat, K 482 - 3. Finale
Giblet McNiblets
Hello, livejournal world. I'm feeling fairly good right now, as I'm eating cereal and drinking coffee and I've still got a good half hour or so to waste time before I get ready for work. However, I am really not looking forward to yet another 8-and-a-half-hour shift today. My job is already trying my patience, mostly because I constantly feel like a completely incompetent and worthless human being when I'm there, and like nothing but a burden to everyone else I'm working with. I am learning everything, gradually, but there's far too much to remember for me not to fuck up on a daily basis... oh well. Once these first couple weeks are over with, and I'm more in the groove of things (and particularly once I get paid), I imagine I'll feel much better.
There are several other things I need to do this week to feel significantly less stressed out as well, including calling the Office of Admissions and getting my student PIN and ID number because that very important form I got in the mail somehow got recycled, and also going to the bank and retrieving my PIN number from them, which I also forgot... ugh. I suck. But there are far worse things I could have to worry about, so for now I'll try not to let any of this get to me.

I'm listening to my most awesome "cockpunching" playlist on iTunes. And despite the title, the music on it serves as a reminder of how lonely and starved for affection I am these days. Fortunately, I won't have to wait too terribly much longer. This summer feels so strange, and so different from all others. I'm a constant mixture of both contentment and incredible longing, and I'm remarkably detached from my old life and old friends, which was something I always used to fall back into so easily. But thus is the constancy of change in myself. I'm glad to look back and see how my emotions have continued to evolve over this past year. I feel so different and so much the same, but mostly continuously more self-aware as I continue to experience these new emotions on both ends.

And that said, I must go chug this second cup of coffee and take a shower. Here's to hoping the next couple days go by quickly.

good lyrics for old times' sakeCollapse )
Current Location: table
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Iron & Wine - Naked As We Came
Giblet McNiblets
17 June 2007 @ 10:39 pm
I start my first day of work tomorrow. Despite how terribly convoluted things are recently, and how anxious and overwhelmed and awful I have felt much of the time, things are starting to look up in my life in a way they haven't ever before, really. I've finally found a new job in a small, more calm store environment working with very nice people with good pay, I'm regaining loads of strength and support from being around Claire as much as I have, and perhaps most crucially, I'm in love and entirely secure within it. Don't get me wrong, there is still so much left to fix and I'm at a loss of how to approach any of what is outside of this tiny circle of comfort I've established, but I feel, essentially, really grounded and okay, and I think this needs to be documented for once.
Current Location: basement
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: My Morning Jacket - Nashville to Kentucky
Giblet McNiblets
23 May 2007 @ 06:56 pm
I got bangs.Collapse )

I also purchased blue eyeliner today. These things have made me feel temporarily much better than I did earlier. Fuck fuck fuck, this weekend needs to come sooner.
Current Location: room
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
Current Music: Ween - Chocolate Town
Giblet McNiblets
13 May 2007 @ 07:35 pm
Still sick. I just made a couple of hoarse phonecalls, and I know I will be out doing things tomorrow, regardless of how I feel. I do think I'm on the tail end of this, fortunately, for I can't handle staying in much longer.

I'm angry about my grades. I got an 85 on my Calculus final, which is about what I expected; however, 85 was the highest grade anyone got on the final, so shouldn't there be some type of curve? Anyway, this means I get a straight B in Calculus. I could have gotten a 53% on my final and still gotten a B in that class. Therefore, a B sucks for that class. Also, I was 2% away from getting an A in Chemistry, which is also really crappy. If I don't get an A in American Lit., I will surely have no A's altogether, and that would depress me terribly. I really did work very hard this semester.

I'm so bored. I have such a craving for Hedwig and the Angry Inch right now, but alas I do not own it.

Monty Python's Flying Circus eases the pain. This is one of my all-time favorite sketches. I love you, Michael Palin.

Current Location: basement
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: Sufjan Stevens - He Woke Me Up Again
Giblet McNiblets
03 May 2007 @ 02:39 pm
My body feels very brittle. I think this consistent lack of sleep, consumption of unhealthy, bad-tasting food, and the studious yet generally very inactive lifestyle I lead has gradually pushed me to this point, where I always seems to have some physical ailment in an arbitrary part of my body. I imagine it's some knot of stress that just moves around, but it's always somewhere. It has gotten to a point today, worse since yesterday, where my right hip feels like it's completely out of place and scraping against everything around it, and the pain has now spread down to my knee and I feel like I can't really move. I think it's odd that my hip has started hurting so badly, considering all that Stina has had to go through recently, and that this is such a random part of my body to feel so completely worn.

Despite this, I am feeling incredibly happy today, even though my stresses and piles of work are looming right behind these strongest thoughts. Unfortunately, little to none of my happiness is showing outward, as I'm out of coffee, haven't had any caffeine in the past two days, and when this happens, my facial expression returns to a state of unaffected dullness. I still seem stuck between bouts of sheer terror for the near future, but I'm trying really hard not to get ahead of myself.

These lyrics seem fitting to post right now, and I'm still as in love with this song as ever:

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Current Location: room
Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: My Morning Jacket - The Way That He Sings
Giblet McNiblets

Damn this headache for not going away! I'm finally making myself coffee to remedy the various physical and mental ailments I am feeling today.

I just got back to my room and checked facebook, only to find a message reading:
"i feel bad for blowing you off everytime we set something up. we need to chill when i get back into town. let me know"
from none other than Joey, of all people.

What the fuck? ...
I am amazed at how guys will be complete assholes, ignore me for many consecutive months until I stop talking to or thinking about them entirely, and now after what has been nearly a year, they randomly chat me up and expect all to be well. Mostly though, this is completely arbitrary.
I find, however, that every guy who has ever treated me in a bad way has apologized in some way, albeit similarly a ridiculously long time after the fact. And while I appreciate that someone attempts to realize their mistake, if it takes them this long to do it, it really isn't worth much to me.

Anyway, enough of that. I was just thrown back into horrible high school memories that I don't need. In regards to the present, I am very much looking forward to tonight's drunken debauchery/bad TV watching/bad makeovers/surprise nut trampling.
Current Location: room
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Yo La Tengo - Black Flowers
Giblet McNiblets
23 April 2007 @ 04:24 pm
Oh, the things which I cannot say.

Even when I am happy about one thing or another, school can always bring down my mood and confidence in myself. My grades are slipping, still, to much lower now than I ever thought they could. Not only did I reach a new low on my last plant biology test, but I now reached another new low on my last chemistry test, which I absolutely needed an A on, and which everyone else in the class seemed to get 90 or above on. I don't know what is wrong with me. At this point I feel completely devoid of talent, and unable to excel remotely in any subject. The class of my major I'm taking right now I am failing at more than any of the others. Everything else I used to feel good at, like Calculus and Chemistry, I have now realized I am simply average in, and the one class I seem to be doing well in (American Lit., somewhat), I tend to despise. So, in conclusion, my experience at this school has done nothing but crush my hopes for the future career I desire, and confuse me very much in terms of what area I should be studying, because nothing seems to fit right. Maybe, hopefully, I'm just going through a bad academic phase that will pass. But even though my grades should mean nothing, when they're bad they tend to convince me that I am a wholly dull and unintelligent person.

Also, I am a whiney bitch for writing that entire paragraph. I am running on very little sleep and in great physical pain today though, so I'll just blame everything on that.

P.S. lyrics to the song I am currently in love with :
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Current Location: room
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: Led Zeppelin - That's the Way
Giblet McNiblets
18 April 2007 @ 03:35 pm
I'm ditching plant biology to sit in my room, listen to music, perhaps nap soon, and in general do absolutely nothing (for a bit). I am rather happy about this. My motivation and focus towards school have reached such an incredible low that every class I go to feels like sheer torture. I can't stay awake, let alone care to listen, write anything down, or do the homework, despite having large exams coming up (such as my looming Chemistry exam). I have sat down and tried multiple times to do my Calculus assignment for the week, but even that is too much for this feeble brain.
My utmost apathy now comes out in saying that I do not give a damn about any of the above. But I feel strangely, comfortably pleasant recently. Unfortunately I don't think anyone can tell; the good part of my being happy is often that I am more outwardly positive or energetic around others, which is always a welcome change to my usual colorless self. At the moment though, I am contented, yet almost entirely inwardly, as this constant sleeplessness seems to vanquish everything else.

In light of me being a lazy ass, I think tonight will be spent drinking beer and watching bad/funny TV. It may even include some vodka 50ml bottle madness.

Also, this song is amazing. It's one of those songs I probably never would have appreciated if my iPod hadn't been on shuffle on my computer last night, while having a tea party, so that it played by chance, and I then made a mental note of its awesomeness.
Current Location: roomio
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: Broken Social Scene - Pacific Theme
Giblet McNiblets
17 April 2007 @ 03:14 pm
I'm in relatively high spirits this week, though rather out of it and unfocused, but anything I would or could say about myself in here feels terribly selfish now, when there are such appalling things happening around to people just like myself. There is always something horrible going on the world, somewhere, and unfortunately it often takes a very harsh reminder such as this one to throw me out of my own disillusioned thoughts, back into the painful wider-scoped reality. Perhaps this time it feels scarier also, that this took place in the exact same environment as that where all of those I'm closest to and myself reside. It's sickening that this has reached a higher level than ever before; even when things unimaginably horrible happen, that may never truly be the worst of it. However, times like these at least remind me how much I love those I have, and that I want to keep them very close.
Current Location: room
Current Mood: guiltyguilty
Current Music: Beck - Sissyneck